4pm Friday

Friday freedom

safe solitude at last

silence and tranquility

sweet smells of lavender and lemon

cozy couch next to a bright open window

golden sunset beaming in rays of diagonal light

incubating

smiling within

exhales soften me to the fabric of a throw blanket

Peace

 

Home alone

Five months ago, I moved into my own apartment. This is the first time in my life I have experienced living alone. No roommates. No pets. At first I was a little afraid about being alone, but I’ve found so much value in this chapter of my life. Below are many of the discovered benefits of living alone.

Nobody else to clean up after.

Nobody else minding my messes.

My own glorious, cozy, peaceful space.

Always my choices.

My style.

My scents.

My food in the fridge.

My music.

My energy.

A place to express myself beyond my body. I see me all around each room. I see me in the guests I choose to welcome inside.

A place to reflect, meditate, get to know myself deeper.

As a lover and an empath, living alone allows me time and space in which to give  tlc to myself and feel my own feelings without distractions.

My self-love.

My independence.

My nest.

My peace.

A place to reenergize between sharing and serving others.

I see my future self falling in love and sharing a home with a family some day, but for now, my time spent home alone is a precious gift. I intend to remember the value in this alone time, even in the future if my home fills with pets, a lover, children, etc. It might just become a  meditation corner in a certain room.  It might only happen that I get the house to myself once in a while. I may not live alone forever.  Togetherness will be another incredible blessing in coming seasons of my life, but I won’t forget the importance of knowing myself closely and finding space to care for this person who I live within. Me.

Inappropriate 

Some mornings I listen to the news in my car on the way to work.

Most mornings I listen to silence.

This morning, I listened to “Money Trees” by Kendrick Lamar as I sipped my coffee like a bad ass.

I may have swerved around in my lane a bit?

Hip hoppin to school.

Loose.

“Ya bish, ya bish”

To be in touch with a side of myself that, for most of the day, is tucked away behind a cardigan sweater and backseat to classroom management.

As I rolled up to the school parking lot, I turned down my car speakers shrinkingly.

“Can we listen to music while we work today, Ms. Dobrinski?”

“Sure, as long as it’s something appropriate for school.”

Wonderful Miracle

Miracle who is a Pisces like me.

Miracle who is compassionate, creative and adaptive.

Miracle who works so hard and cares so much about learning and doing her best.

Miracle, who like me at her age, wants to strive for perfection and I see her suffering because that is an unattainable goal.

Miracle who is so beautiful and wonderful just the way she is, right now, today.  She is right where she should be on her path.

Miracle who sometimes struggles and often overcomes the obstacles.

Miracle who I know will be successful in the future because she doesn’t give up.

Miracle who says, “This is too hard. I don’t know Spanish,” and then I see her using her resources and notes and figuring it out.  She is writing in Spanish, that language that she “doesn’t know.”

Miracle who tells me the correct Spanish word when I ask.

“Look at you, girl! Speaking Spanish!”

“No, I’m not.”

Almost like a mind-reader, I can translate the thoughts of self-doubt from her body language.  A scowl that says, “I don’t know enough.” A pout, “This is too difficult for me.” Her slouch, “I am feeling vulnerable and insecure because this is not my first language.” I can feel her feelings.  I have been there.

Miracle, you are performing magic with your thoughts.  Your words that you speak about yourself are amazingly powerful.  Own your successes.  However small they may be, you are making progress!  You are learning!  Do not focus on all you still don’t know, sweet girl.  You have so much time.  You have just begun.

Celebrate what you have learned! You are so brave for trying something new and never giving up on yourself!

Do you believe in miracles?  I believe in Miracle.

 

Make March Positive

Well, I missed March 1st for signing up on time for the Slice of Life challenge… and I’m writing my first post on March 2nd. (Fail.)

It’s easy to fall into negativity in a world that is so fast paced, full of pain, suffering, judgment… and task-oriented.

But it’s also full of love, joy, accomplishments, blessings and precious moments!

My whole life I’ve been somewhat of a wanna-be perfectionist and a people pleaser.  I can be my worst critic and I beat myself up more than anyone else.  It has been a personal intention lately to think about all the positives more, and focus on the negatives less.  I am going to turn that thought process into my writing pieces for this month’s challenge.

So, what went RIGHT on Tuesday, March 1st, 2016?  A lot.

I enjoyed teaching my daily lessons and ended my day still in a good mood, and not stressed out or over exhausted.

Interactions that I experienced with my coworkers were positive.

I was complimented by someone I respect.

For the most part, what needed to be completed by the end of the day, did.

I didn’t have lunch duty and was able to relax with a friend while I ate.

There was nasty winter weather outside, and we were warm inside the building.

I had a delicious home cooked lunch (leftovers from the night before).

I was told I am loved by my parents, separately. (Love 2 times!)

I shared pizza and wine for dinner with a new neighbor and enjoyed conversation, getting to know a nice person in the world.

I was healthy.

I saw smiles and heard laughs.

I went to sleep at night in a comfortable bed.

I did my best.

 

 

 

 

Body Scan

In this moment, I sit and write.

In this moment, I will practice calming my body and mind after a busy day.

My feet are up on a chair now.  The students have gone.

My feet are sore. I let them relax.

Deep breath.

I give my ankles and calves a little stretch. I’m glad to be resting and not walking around.

Deep breath.

My legs are now horizontal; they are vertical most of the day. I let my legs relax.

Deep breath.

My hips are also resting.  I feel my pelvis and whole upper body supported by my soft chair.

Deep breath.

I lean back in my chair.

Deep breath.

I notice that my neck and shoulders feel tight.

Deep breath.

I remove my hands from the keyboard and place them into my lap for a moment to stretch my neck, shoulders and back.

Deep breath.

I relax my shoulders.  I let go of any tension I absorbed throughout the day.

Deep breath.

I close my eyes.

I imagine my heart.  Breathe in love.

I imagine my mind.  Breathe in clarity.

I imagine my spirit.  Breathe in joy.

In this moment, I am relaxed.

Peace.

Spring Will Come

Have you ever felt cut down, dried out, wilted, frozen, and raked up?

Has it ever felt like winter would never end?

Like if you could, you’d just hibernate?
Do you know what hope feels like?

When what remains within you is
rich, fertile soil
spread under the March skies
anticipating re-growth

Spring will come.

Has winter ever taken over you, when your eyes still sparkle summer?

Have you felt your spirit open to flower, back to full blossoms, wide petals and strong stems?
Bees buzzing happily
Birds singing sweetly again

Have you felt that?  At the very end of winter? When it felt like you may never see springtime again?

But you believed you would.

Remember how it feels to water the flowers and herbs?
To participate in nourishment and growth
and to smile in the sunshine
When it’s so warm you cool off in the shade and your skin still radiates heat?

Spring will come.

Monday

I told a 7th grade student at the end of the school day “I don’t know what to write for my Slice of Life today.”  This is a dilemma she understands and can relate to, because she writes them at least once a week, too.  She says sometimes she doesn’t know what to write about either.  I asked her what she does if she’s not sure what to write about and she said, “Well, how was your day?”

It was a normal Monday.  I guess I can write about that, but I apologize ahead of time if I bore you with my normal Monday report. There is definitely a sense of peace that I feel at the end of the school day when there isn’t much to report; it must’ve gone smoothly.

It’s a normal Monday.  I accomplished doing my laundry and grading over the weekend and even got to spend some time with my sweet boyfriend on Saturday and Sunday, so I felt satisfied with the short break and ready to go back to work today.

There was a bit of a snowfall this morning which I was pretty aggravated about because I am very ready for the life of springtime to energize us and melt away the winter.  The roads weren’t too bad, though, and I got to work easily and early enough.

I had no major behavior problems in any of my classes today.  There was nothing significantly challenging enough that stressed me out or that I’ll go home and vent to my roommates about, so that’s always a good thing.  There were also no incredibly joyous or exciting moments today to call home to mom about.  I felt calm and collected all day and my 7 different classes began and ended steadily.  Before I knew it, it was the end of the school day.  Everything went as planned, which all teachers know, doesn’t always happen.  For that, I am thankful.

When I asked a coworker at lunch how she was doing, she said “Oh, I can’t wait for the weekend.”  Already?  I just nodded, but I try not to fall into that mindset.  I am not judging her, because there are certainly days and moments when I feel the same.  However, today I don’t mind that it’s Monday.  I can’t forget that I’m blessed to have a job that is meaningful to me.  I am grateful to have a job at all.  There are many people, struggling, who don’t.

Who doesn’t love weekends?  But, it’s only Monday so let’s just be here and count our blessings.

It was a normal Monday.  Can’t complain.

Laundry Meditation

I try my best, but I’m not perfect.  It is easy to see, most days, just by taking a look at my laundry baskets.  It’s typical that I blow off doing laundry for any other possible activity and this is evident by the mountain range of laundry that often spreads across my bedroom.

Laundry is my nemesis.  It’s always there, lurking in the corner, waiting to steal my free time with the boring waiting, trip for quarters, tedious folding.  I just hate it.  It’s not difficult!  However, I would rather be doing 1,000 other things.  If I’m being completely honest about how much I procrastinate when it comes to laundry, there have been occasions when I buy new underwear so that I don’t have to do it.  I realized that I did laundry once during the month of January and once in February this year.  Fortunately, I have enough clothes to pull it off.

In a meditation class I took a couple of years ago, we were taught to try putting what we were learning into practice in real life.  Being present and content in the moment, no matter what we are doing.  I have actually learned to enjoy doing dishes in this way, as I feel the soothing warm water on my hands and the satisfaction of the cleaned dishes and cleared countertop.  Today, I put this contentment into practice while doing my laundry.  I have quite an imagination, so I tried to make doing my laundry a blissful experience this Sunday (not so fun-day).

Stuffing the dirty laundry into the washer was like filling up with an inhale, and pulling the clothes out of the dryer, a relieving exhale.  Dumping the clean clothes onto the bed, I felt comforted and warmed.  Piece by piece, my life came back into order as I folded each shirt, sweater, jeans, yoga pants and socks.  Mind over matter.  No more mountain range.  For now.